Gove announces all 13-18 year olds to attend Eton

The Evening Harold

At a press conference yesterday Michael Gove shared with reporters what he called ‘the pinnacle’ of his education reforms by announcing that from September all four-and-a-half million school pupils in Great Britain and Northern Ireland aged between thirteen and eighteen will attend Eton College.

“This government is totally committed to improving social mobility and giving all young people the chance to succeed and achieve their full potential on their own terms. Unfortunately that’s actually really, really difficult so we thought it would be easier to make everybody the same and an Eton education is the key to absolute conformity.”

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